My favorites:

8 Characters I Created To Teach My Kid About Dental Hygiene That Have Unfortunately Come To Life 

5 Healing Herbal Teas That Will Have To Do Some Heavy Fucking Lifting If The Affordable Care Act Is Repealed

10 Telltale Signs That Daddy's Home

Be Prepared: Experts Warn That This Polyamorous Relationship Could Expand To Cover All Of Seattle By 2021

We Asked 22 FBI Agents About The Biggest Plate Of Crab Legs They Ever Had To Eat To Establish Their Cover

These Graphs Perfectly Capture The Rolling Hills And Sprawling Pastures Of Mama’s Girlhood, And O! How Sweet The Meadowgrass Smelled

A Tough Call: Ted Cruz Announced He’s Suspending His Campaign To Tend To His Thousands Of Glistening Eggs

Will You Make A Suitable Bride For Oscar Isaac?

Can You Match These Long-Haired Men To Their Tall, Tired-Looking Girlfriends? 

You’re Hogwarts’ Only Guidance Counselor. Can You Convince Anyone To Go To College?

‘If You’re Five Boys, You Can Do Anything’: An Oral History Of One Direction

‘The Door Noises Made Us Deaf’: An Oral History Of ‘Star Trek’ 

 

The rest:

LIST: The Season Of Giving: 5 Other Men Who Live In A Workshop Full Of Deer You Can Leave Milk And Cookies Out For If You Want (article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Ways Has Neil Young Humiliated Your Dad? (article)

VIDEO: How Does Yelling Become A Law? (headline)

ARTICLE: A Victory For The Middle Class: The GOP Tax Bill Requires All Eviction Notices To Come With An Explanation Of Trickle-Down Economics (article)

ARTICLE: Making Their Voices Heard: Dozens Of Wealthy CEOs Have Signed A Letter Telling The GOP It's Weird How Obsessed It Is With Them (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Genius Marketing: Poland Spring Is Putting Apple Juice In Its Bottles Because It Tastes Better (article)

LIST: 6 Signs That Everyone In Your UberPool Just Escaped From A Human Farm (headline/article)

BLOG: Taking Care Of Your Elderly Parents Can Be A Beautiful Experience If They're Very, Very Sexy (headline/article)

PATRIOTHOLE VIDEO: I Am OFFICIALLY DISCONTINUING My LustLad Virility Potion After The LEFTIST EXTREMISTS Who Live Above Me Started Ordering It And Keeping Me Up With Their Loud Fuck Sounds (script)

ARTICLE: NASA Disaster: Some Asshole Threw A Blanket Over The Hubble Telescope (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Fostering Community: This Awesome Landlord Caused A Gas Leak In Her Building So All The Tenants Could Finally Meet Each Other (article)

BLOG: I Don't Give A Shit, I'll Destigmatize Anything (headline/article)

ARTICLE: A Heads-Up Would Have Been Nice: This Family Is The Kind That Goes To Church The Morning After Sleeopvers (article)

ARTICLE: The Saga Continues: Disney Has Announced That The Next 'Star Wars' Movie Will Be Entirely About Punishing Chewbacca For Trying To Be Human (article)

BLOG: In A News Cycle Saturated With Mass Shootings, It's Becoming Harder And Harder To Stand Out As A Deranged Gunman (article)

PATRIOTHOLE ARTICLE: The Dangers Of Clean Energy: A Wind Turbine Popped This Man's Brand New Volleyball (article)

BLOG: I Came To Hollywood At 16 With Nothing But A Suitcase And A Dream Of Falsely Accusing Someone Of Sexual Assault (headline)

ARTICLE: ‘If You’re Five Boys, You Can Do Anything’: An Oral History Of One Direction (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Heartbreaking: Dan Brown Has Passed Out From Dehydration While Trying To Do An Escape Room By Himself (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Major Bombshell: Newly Declassified JFK Assassination Documents Reveal That Kennedy’s Head Would Have Exploded That Day Regardless Of Whether He Was Shot (headline)

VIDEO: ‘Super Mario Odyssey’ Is A Powerful Work Of Marxist Art Depicting The Noble Daily Struggles Of A Humble Plumber (headline)

ARTICLE: Actions Have Consequences: George H.W. Bush’s Wheelchair Has Been Permanently Tipped 70 Degrees Backward To Punish Him For Groping Women (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Road To Recovery: After Three Long Weeks, These Inspiring Politicians Have Found The Strength To Finally Move On From The Las Vegas Shooting (article)

ARTICLE: Back In Action: The NFL Has Announced That Justin Timberlake Has Finally Stopped Crying From Seeing A Boob Up Close And Is Now Ready To Sing At The Super Bowl Again (article)

LIST: 6 Pictures Of Jimmy Carter If You Know What We Mean ;) (article)

LIST: Remembering A Legend: 5 Times Buddy Holly Performed In Front Of An Audience Of 2,000 Fortune-Tellers All Screaming At Him To Never Get On An Airplane (article) 

ARTICLE: The Nobel Committee Has Rescinded Kazuo Ishiguro’s Prize After Discovering A College Sophomore’s Essay About How ‘Never Let Me Go’ Is An Indulgent And Clunky Social Satire (article)

LIST: 5 Ways To Honor The Victims Of The Las Vegas Shooting Without Being Disrespectful To The NRA (article)

BLOG: Modern Video Games Are Giving Kids Unrealistic Standards For How Many Swords They Can Carry At One Time (article)

ARTICLE: Technology FTW! This Awesome New App Sends You A Daily Reminder That You Love Salsa (article)

LIST: Chocolate Lovers, Despair! These Arid Wastelands Have Nary A Hint Of Cocoa As Far As The Eye Can See (article)

ARTICLE: Fateful Mistake: Historians Now Believe Lincoln Would Have Survived His Assassination If He Had Just Sacked Up A Bit (article) 

MUST SEE: Finally: A Vest For Men Who Already Own 2 Vests! (headline)

VIDEO: Post This Video On Your Facebook Page To Announce Your Father Isn’t Dead After All (script)

ARTICLE: Incredible: The Man Inside Big Bird Has Revealed That He Was Only Able To Control The Giant Puppet Some Of The Time (headline)

ARTICLE: Crisis: The Astronauts On The ISS Can’t Get Their Drug Dealer To Leave (headline/article)

PATRIOTHOLE VIDEO: Get Enraged, Patriots! The Deep State Has Been Sending Me FRESH SEASONAL INGREDIENTS And EASY-TO-FOLLOW RECIPES To Turn My Dinners Into GOURMET MEALS (headline/script)

PATRIOTHOLE ARTICLE: It’s Time For All True Patriots To Commandeer Fishing Boats To Rescue Julian Assange The Clever Elf And Bring Him To Feast At Golden Corral (headline/article)

LIST: No More Shame: These Photos Of 6 Mothers Bravely Showing Their C-Section Scars To The Same Best Buy Employee Are A Powerful Reminder That Motherhood Is Beautiful (article)

BLOG: I’m Sick Of Busting My Ass Doing Neo-Nazi Stuff Only To Have Some Masked Antifa Dweebs Get Credit As The Real Fascists (headline)

ARTICLE: The Merger Pays Off: Under Amazon, Whole Foods Will Begin Selling Succulent Drone Meat In Winter 2017 (headline/article)

BLOG: The Years I Spent Lying Facedown In Scuba Gear In The Middle Of Downtown Houston Have Finally Paid Off (headline/article) 

ARTICLE: Whoa: Katy Perry Just Ripped Into The Treaty Of Westphalia For Setting The Stage For Eurocentric Imperialism In A Blistering Twitter Tirade (headline)

ARTICLE: Desperate Bid: George R.R. Martin Is Tweeting About How Jon Snow Loves Listening To Music On His Skullcandies In A Plea To Get Free Headphones (article)

PATRIOTHOLE ARTICLE: A Master Strategist: Steve Bannon Has Completed His Yearlong Plan To Become Increasingly Irrelevant Before Eventually Getting Fired (article)

ARTICLE: Next-Level Gaming: The New ‘Call Of Duty’ Will Penalize Players For Shooting Nazis Who Are Actually Very Fine People (article)

PATRIOTHOLE ARTICLE: Be Vigilant!! George Soros Has A Second Ticket To A Screening Of ‘Baby Driver’ And Just Declared That The Most Violent Leftist Will Get To Go With Him! (article)

ARTICLE: ‘Star Wars’ Fans Rejoice! This New App Lets You Take Pictures Of Objects In Your Home And Tells You If Chewbacca Would Die If He Ate Them (article)

BLOG: Lowe’s Would Again Like To Remind Customers That Our Tiki Torches Are Exclusively Meant For Burning American Flags (article)

VIDEO: 6 People Who Were Born In September Describe What It’s Like To Share A Birth Month With Mickey Rourke (script/directed)

PATRIOTHOLE BLOG: I May Not Agree With Everything Trump Says, But It’s My Duty As An American To Repeat All Of His Talking Points Basically Verbatim (headline)

CLICKVENTURE: You’re Hogwarts’ Only Guidance Counselor. Can You Convince Anyone To Go To College?

ARTICLE: Latest Attack: ISIS Just Won Comic-Con With An Incredible Panel Moderated By Chris Hardwick (article)

ARTICLE: How Far We’ve Come: This Incredible Photograph From 1959 Shows What It Was Like When Magic 8 Balls Were So Big They Took Up An Entire Room (article)

ARTICLE: Speaking Out: The CEO Of Pixar Has Expressed Disappointment That Nobody Has Created Any ‘Toy Story’ Fan Fiction Disgusting Enough To Make Him Vomit (article)

LIST: These Graphs Perfectly Capture The Rolling Hills And Sprawling Pastures Of Mama’s Girlhood, And O! How Sweet The Meadowgrass Smelled (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Be Prepared: Experts Warn That This Polyamorous Relationship Could Expand To Cover All Of Seattle By 2021 (headline/article)

VIDEO: We Asked 15 Landlords How Many Times They’ve Had To Evict The Red Hot Chili Peppers For Playing The National Anthem Like Shit (script/directed)

ARTICLE: Yes! Wilson Just Released A Line Of Gloves With Extra Little Strings To Pick At For Kids Who Would Rather Be At Home Drawing (article)

VIDEO: ‘I Didn’t Ask For This’: Meet The Man Who Has Osama Bin Laden’s Old Cell Phone Number (script/directed)

ARTICLE: Respect FTW: Cinemark Theatres Is Offering An Additional 10% Off To Seniors Who Really Look Like Shit (article)

BLOG: Anyone Who Thinks Petitions Don’t Accomplish Anything Needs To Remember That Only 3 People Signed The Petition That I Drink My Own Urine, And I Still Did It (article)

ARTICLE: Technical Troubles: Amazon’s New Delivery Drones Won’t Stop Carrying Copies Of Tina Fey’s ‘Bossypants’ To The Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier (article) 

BLOG: Without Abstinence-Only Sex Ed, How Will The Young Ones Know Where Their Genitals Mustn’t Go? (headline)

ARTICLE: The 7 Guys You Date In College, All Gooped Up Into One Moaning Blob (headline/article)

BLOG: Turning 50 Means Finally Accepting That You’ll Probably Never Be Activated As An Unstoppable Rogue Agent (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Twitter Meltdown: Ben & Jerry’s Is Going Really Hard On Itself After The Only New Ice Cream Flavor It Could Think Of Was Vanilla With Walnuts (article)

PATRIOTHOLE LIST: The Gentle Giant: 5 Times Human Skyscraper Mike Pence Used His Titanic Strength To Help The American Worker (headline/article)

PATRIOTHOLE LIST: Commander In Strong: These 4 Pictures Of Donald Trump Not Being Attacked By Birds Prove That He Has Utter Dominion Over The Skies (article)

QUIZ: Have You Tried The New Way Of Fucking? (article)

ARTICLE: Life After The White House: Obama Just Launched His First Drone Strike As A Civilian (article)

ARTICLE: Uh Oh: Did John Mayer Forget What Chewing Gum Was Partway Through His Twitter Rant Against It? (headline)

ARTICLE: True Loyalty: Fox News Will Let Bill O’Reilly Get One More In For The Road (headline/article)

LIST: 7 Moments In ‘The Wizard Of Oz’ That Still Make Us Howl And Clap And Buy Land And Go To Sleep (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Everything You Need To Know About Wolverine (article)

ARTICLE: Could Chasing A Thieving Monkey Down An Alley And Falling Through A Rusty Grate Into A Lost Trove Of Ancient Potions Be The Future Of Healthcare? (headline)

ARTICLE: The Leaks Just Keep Coming: An Anonymous White House Source Just Sent The New York Times Reince Priebus In A Duffel Bag (article)

BLOG: As The Parent Of A Child With A Severe Peanut Allergy, Your Greatest Fear Is That He’ll Get Hit By A Truck, Fly 100 Feet Through The Air, And Land In A Vat Of Peanut Butter (article)

VIDEO: These People Were At The Fall Of The Berlin Wall, And Their Stories Are Incredible (script)

LIST: 10 Telltale Signs That Daddy's Home (article)

CLICKVENTURE: Learn To Loot, Smash Skulls, And Scream The Right Way In Our Protest Safety Simulator! 

VIDEO: Inspiring! This Supercut Of People Deleting The Files That Would Ruin Their Lives Is Seriously Uplifting (script)

LIST: 7 Ways To Break Your Pushover Friend Who Just Started Standing Up For Himself (headline)

LIST: Our Best 65 Guesses As To What The Hanging Tennis Ball In Garages Is For (article)

BLOG: Enough Time Has Passed To Reveal George W. Bush Was The ‘American Idiot’ (By Billie Joe Armstrong) (article)

VIDEO: Better Safe Than Sorry: Watch This Man Hide Under A Pile Of Laundry Just In Case His Tennis Teacher Is Coming To Yell At Him (script/directed)

ARTICLE: Life In Shadows: A Cloaked Merrick Garland Is Crouched In The SCOTUS Rafters Whispering A Dissenting Opinion And Clutching A Withered Rose (headline)

BLOG: If America Is Abandoning Its Role As The World’s Moral Leader, I’d Like To Take A Crack At It (headline)

ARTICLE: Social Media Fail: Long John Silver’s Just Posted A Video Of A Hostage Being Beheaded With A Swordfish In An Attempt To Go Viral (article)

ARTICLE: Hitting The Ground Running: Steve Bannon Spent His First Meeting On The National Security Council Describing The Way He Would Kill Each Person In The Room (article)

ARTICLE: Historic Discovery: Archaeologists Have Uncovered The Cellar Containing All Of Jesus’ Exoskeletons (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Facepalm: Reince Priebus Just Got Caught In One Of The Hundreds Of Booby Traps Steve Bannon Has Set For Immigrants In The White House (article)

ARTICLE: Keeping America Healthy: Mitch McConnell Is Pushing To Replace The Affordable Care Act With His Easy 20-Minute Ab-Blasting Bodyweight Workout (headline)

ARTICLE: Playing Hardball: Donald Trump Is Having His Sons Pose Shirtless On A Barge To Lure The Women’s March Into The Potomac (article)

QUIZ: Do You Have The Guts To Officiate My Heinous Dutch Wedding? (article)

ARTICLE: 5 Healing Herbal Teas That Will Have To Do Some Heavy Fucking Lifting If The Affordable Care Act Is Repealed (headline/article)

BLOG: There Is No Greater Joy Than Watching Women Forced To Experience The Miracle Of Birth (by Mike Pence) (headline/article)

QUIZ: Did You Hear Why They Fired Principal Jannusky? (headline/article)

LIST: 6 Things That Could’ve Turned Out Differently In 2016 If King Kong Were Real And On The Side Of The Common Man (article)

LIST: 2016’s Best Products For Making Jewelry For Wild Animals (article)

ARTICLE: Lucky To Be Alive: Harrison Ford Is Recovering After A Giant Pencil Erased His Face (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Walt Disney’s Original Proposal For Disneyland Reveals How It Became The Happiest Place On Earth (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Modern-Day Mulan! Turns Out That Old, Sick Orangutan In The Garage Is A Lady Orangutan (article)

VIDEO: Makeup Tutorial: How To Have Just One Super-Good Eye (script)

QUIZ: Can You Match The Shakespeare Quote With The English Teacher Who Insists On Explaining Why It’s Sexual? (article)

LIST: 7 People Who Have Apparently Fucked Over This Tattooed Guy Having A Loud Phone Call In A Parking Garag (headline)

LIST: 6 Apple-Picking No-No’s To Avoid If You Don’t Want To End Up In The Punishment Orchard (headline)

ARTICLE: Shaking Up Washington: Donald Trump Just Appointed A Cloaked Man As Secretary Of The Hook (headline)

BLOG: You Shouldn’t Have Made Fun Of My Exclamation Point (by Jeb Bush) (article)

ARTICLE: Election Night Disaster: John King Tapped His Electoral College Map Too Hard And Fell Headfirst Into A Digital Hellscape (article)

LIST: 10 Steps To Rolling The Perfect Joint (headline/article)

LIST: 20 Ways They Truly Were ‘The Greatest Generation’ (article)

LIST: Got The Flu? Here’s 6 Demands You Can Extract From Your Local Retirement Community With That Leverage (headline)

LIST: Happy Halloween! Here Are 7 Thrilling Ways To Frighten Yourself Very Badly In Your Own Car (headline)

ARTICLE: Overconfidence? Hillary Clinton Has Already Started Hurling Trash Bags Full Of Her Clothes Over The White House Fence (headline)

LIST: 7 Ways A Single Riled-Up Elk Could Completely Reshape This Election Before November (headline)

ARTICLE: Keeping It Civil: Chris Wallace Has A Gun To His Head And Will Pull The Trigger If The Candidates Interrupt Each Other (article)

ARTICLE: How Far We’ve Come: These Vintage Cigarette Ads Could Never Have Run Today (article)

VIDEO: Heartbreaking: This Woman Sings ‘Love In An Elevator’ To Her Dying Mother Because It’s The Only Song She Knows The Lyrics To (directed)

ARTICLE: You Go, Girl! When This Woman Noticed A Stranger On The Train Clearly Taking Pictures Of Her, She Silently Accepted That This Will Just Happen Now (headline)

ARTICLE: It's Sickening To Hear A Politician Like Trump Condone Sexual Assault Instead Of Just Making It Extremely Easy To Get Away With (headline)

LIST: 6 Quick And Easy DIY Ways To Deprive Your Neighbor Of Sunlight Until He Is Translucent And Sick (article)

VIDEO: Incredible: This Man Is 75 Minutes Late For Work And Dreaming About Holding Someone's Hand! (headline)

QUIZ: Are You Hog Enough To Live With The Pigs? (article)

CLICKVENTURE: Come Watch The First-Ever Online Television!

QUIZ: Can You Tell When Someone's Lying? (article/directed)

ARTICLE: Ruthless Pursuit: The CIA Just Hired H.S. Calhoun And The Rattlesnake Posse To Deliver Snowden To Them Hog-Tied! (headline)

ARTICLE: Before The Ink Dries: 5 Schemes The Jolie-Pitt Children Could Still Pull To Get Their Parents Back Together (headline)

ARTICLE: 5 Clips Of Me Stumbling Over My Wedding Vows I Wish My Nephew Hadn’t Sampled For His Electronic EP (headline/article/voice over)

ARTICLE: Playing It Safe: Nate Silver Will Spend The Next Month Making Easy Predictions About Apples In Order To Get His Confidence Back (article)

ARTICLE: Entering The Fray: Gary Johnson Just Said His Name Over A Safeway Intercom (article)

VIDEO: Things I'm Tired Of Hearing People Say Directly To My Sunburn (script)

VIDEO: Inspiring: This Man Loves Drying His Hands, And He Doesn't Care Who In The Elevator Knows It (script/directed)

BLOG: Trans People Like Me Aren’t Used To Seeing Ourselves On TV, So It Means A Lot That I’ve Started Showing Up In Old ‘Cheers’ Episodes (headline)

LIST: Feel The Rush: Give Your Brain An Adrenaline Jolt By Imagining These Scarecrows Riding These Motorcycles Out Of These Jaw-Droppingly Beautiful Caves (article)

VIDEO: Awesome: Someone Made A Supercut Of Every ‘Whoops’ From ‘Mild Father Drops His Groceries In Parking Lot,’ And It’s Perfect (headline)

ARTICLE: Adorable: Barron Trump Dressed Mike Pence Up Like His Favorite Toy Soldier And Brought Him Down To Supper (headline)

ARTICLE: Incredible: When She Passed A Couple Trapped In Their Flipped Car, Dakota Fanning Squatted Down And Watched Them (headline/article)

LIST: We Asked 22 FBI Agents About The Biggest Plate Of Crab Legs They Ever Had To Eat To Establish Their Cover (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Out Of Control: The Pentagon Just Allocated $500 Million For 5,000 More Shotgun Guys (article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Philip K. Dick Novels Have You Read? (article)

ARTICLE: DNC Disaster: Hillary’s Re-Entry Stamp Got Washed Off And Now She Can’t Get Back In (article)

ARTICLE: Gaming Safety FTW: The Pokémon In Pokémon Go Will Now Scream When A Player Is Within A Mile Of A Registered Sex Offender (article)

LIST: Stick To These 7 Acceptable Phrases To Say At The Funeral Of A Person Who Died During A Mild Thunderstorm (article)

VIDEO: This Will Change The Way You Watch 'Blade Runner' (script)

CLICKVENTURE: Shove Some Culture Into Your Trash Brain With This Interactive Virtual Tour Of The Louvre!

VIDEO: This Pleasant Footage Of Macarons Is Intended Only For Presbyterian Viewers (script)

QUIZ: Do Not Take This Quiz Lightly, For You Alone Determine Which ‘Hey Arnold!’ Character All Of Mankind Is (headline)

BLOG: My Mother Is The Strongest Person I Know, But She’s Powerless At Sea (headline)

LIST: 5 Of My Son’s Friends Who Are Not Leaving This Sleepover Without Saying Thank You (article)

ARTICLE: Inspiring: This Man Lost 150 Pounds To Run In The New York City Marathon And Then Gained It Back In Time For Cannonball Season (article)

ARTICLE: Still Think Print Is Dead? This Woman's Home Contains Over 25,000 Newspapers! (headline)

LIST: 8 Characters I Created To Teach My Kid About Dental Hygiene That Have Unfortunately Come To Life (article)

LIST: 6 Times Ryan Gosling Was So Sexy It Didn't Even Matter He Was Hunting Horses (article)

BLOG: I Would Love To Get Reparations, But African Americans Should Get Them First (headline)

LIST: If You Want To Match These Celebrity Eyebrows To Their Owners, That's Up To You (article)

LIST: If You Can View This List Of Pangolins Without Fantasizing About Eating One...Welcome To The Priesthood! (article)

ARTICLE: An American Myth: Jerry Siegel And Joe Shuster's Original Notes For Superman Are A Must-Read (headline/article)

VIDEO: This Stunning Footage Of A Distant Oyster Exchange Will Blow You Away (directed)

LIST: Draw The Curtains On These Street Urchins Peering In At Our Roast Goose Supper (article)

ARTICLE: Leveling The Playing Field: Congress Just Passed A Sweeping Antitrust Bill To Break Up America’s Biggest Podcast Networks (headline)

LIST: These Hedgehogs Are Fine, But Might We Suggest Some Hedgehogs For The More Discerning Visitor? (article)

VIDEO: Thirtysomethings Remember The First Time They Ever Played ‘Mario’ (script/directed)

ARTICLE: Corporate Disaster: A Rotting Swordfish Was Just Found In The Underground Spring Where Dean’s Gets Its Milk (headline)

LIST: 8 Pics Of Latte Art That Will Absolutely Blow The Mind Of A Dullard (article)

CLICKVENTURE: You’ve Discovered An Interdimensional Wormhole! Can You Find A Parallel Universe Where It’s Okay To Take Your Shirt Off At The Library?

LIST: 8 Local Crossing Guards I’ve Got Wrapped Around My Little Finger (headline)

LIST: 6 Grave-Related Actions I’d Hardly Call ‘Desecration’ (headline/article)

ARTICLE: No Coincidence: 9 Months After Fuck Day, The First Wave Of 'Fuck Day Babies' Are Here (headline)

ARTICLE: When This Family’s House Burned Down, Their Community Came Together To Read Them A Scathing Critique Of Fire (article)

ARTICLE: Give Billy Corgan A Kiss On The Forehead (article)

ARTICLE: Heartbreaking: ‘The Guy With Two Feet’ Just Lost A Foot To Diabetes (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Prodigy: This 16-Year-Old Just Became The Youngest-Ever Grandmaster Of Drinking Out Of A Hose (headline)

QUIZ: In The Loosest Possible Sense Of The Word, Are You Maybe An Insect? (headline)

BLOG: The Only Ones Who Should Be Allowed To Regulate Women’s Bodies Are The World’s Most Powerful Supercomputers (headline/article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Abraham Lincoln Biographies Have You Read? (article)

LIST: 8 Sounds Kids Today Have Never Heard Before (article)

QUIZ: Please Do Not Visit The Ocean Until You Complete This Ocean Vow (article)

VIDEO: Probably Illegal: This Man Guesses The Combination For The Vault At Fort Knox For 2 Minutes Straight (script/directed)

LIST: 7 Reliable Ways To Get Inside (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Incredible Find! A Bottle Of Orson Welles’ Sweat Has Been Discovered In A Pennsylvania Coal Mine (article)

ARTICLE: A Tough Call: Ted Cruz Announced He’s Suspending His Campaign To Tend To His Thousands Of Glistening Eggs (headline)

ARTICLE: Progress: Bertolli Is Finally Recognizing Palestine On Its Homepage’s ‘Choose Your Country’ Drop-Down (article)

ARTICLE: Just In Case The Guys Who Make Batman Are Reading…Here Are All My Good Batman Ideas (article)

LIST: 8 Times I’ve Had To Buy Back My Own Prosthetic Arm At An Estate Sale (headline)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Things Have You Said Out Loud, In Private, 4 Days After Hitting Your Thumb With A Hammer? (article)

CLICKVENTURE: You’re Adam, The First Man! Can You Eat The Right Fruit And Overthrow God?

BLOG: I Was Ready To Take On My Cancer, And Then The Tumor Got Sheared Off In A Turnstile (headline)

ARTICLE: Crisis: An Orca That Escaped From SeaWorld Has Dragged Itself Over 600 Miles Along The Highway And Is Now Hiding Somewhere In The Woods (article)

BLOG: I Ate Nothing But Clif Bars For A Whole Year And Their CEO Still Won’t Make Me His Son (headline)

LIST: 7 Pictures Of KISS That Prove How Great It Is To Have Fun With Your Buddies (headline)

LIST: The 5 Richest People On Earth, And You Bet Your Fucking Ass We Got That Sultan On Here (headline)

ARTICLE: Diversity Win: Necco Wafers Has Promised To Cast A Person Of Color The Next Time It Makes A Commercial (article)

LIST: Assembled For The First Time In One Place For Your Convenience: Here Are All The Known Celebrity Quotes Relating To Horseshoes (article)

ARTICLE: Incredible! Scientists Have Finally Found A Way To Make Coyotes Wider, Smaller, Heavier, More Slippery, And Quieter! (article)

QUIZ: How Well Do You Know The Lyrics To ‘Born To Run’? (article)

LIST: How You Ate In College Vs. How You’ll Eat In The Shimmering Banquet Halls Of Castle Everbright (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Real-Life Mermaid? Half A Woman Just Washed Up On A Beach (headline)

BLOG: As An Elementary School Teacher, It’s My Job To Fight And Defeat The Largest Child In My Class (article)

LIST: 7 Bananas That Have Gone Full-Blown Bad Boy (article)

LIST: 6 Ways You Can Support The Veal Industry Even If You Don’t Eat Veal (headline/article)

BLOG: No Matter How Long You’ve Been In Professional Sprinting, It Never Hurts To Hear Someone Tell You To Book It (article)

CLICKVENTURE: Your Parents Are Going Out Of Town. Host The Party Of The Year!

ARTICLE: This Guy Told Us He Was Star Wars Kid, And Why Would You Lie About Something Like That? (headline/article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Wonders Of The World Have You Visited? (headline/article)

LIST: Cinephiles Rejoice! Here Are 9 Screenshots From The Movie 'Adaptation' (article)

LIST: 7 Members Of The E Street Band I've Tried To Forcibly Adopt, Ranked By How Close I Came To Sealing The Deal (headline/article)

QUIZ: Will You Make A Suitable Bride For Oscar Isaac? (headline/article)

ARTICLE: A Nod To The Past: 'The Force Awakens' Features A Scene Where George Lucas' Lifeless Body Can Be Seen Floating Through Space (article)

BLOG: I'm 85, And I Really Thought Someone I Know Would Have Died By Now (headline/article)

BLOG: Humanity Could Totally Pull Off The Tower Of Babel At This Point (headline/article)

VIDEO: Incredible! This Man Can Remember Part Of Every 'Sex And The City' Character's Name (headline)

LIST: Gentle Things (article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Mall Santas Have You Visited? (headline/article)

BLOG: The War On Christmas Is Real, And Purell Is Leading The Charge (article)

BLOG: Did Anyone Leave Their Sweatshirt Behind?, by Barack Obama (headline/article)

LIST: The 5 Most Plausible Theories As To What The Inside Of A Neck Looks Like (article)

VIDEO: Forbidden: This Car Crosses A Crosswalk (directed)

BLOG: I Hope The New 'Star Wars' Movie Has A Lot Of Landos In It (article)

LIST: 6 Job Offers I Received After Listing My Job Title On LinkedIn As 'Treasure Horse' (article)

LIST: We Asked 22 Limo Drivers About The Worst Time Someone Got Sucked Out Of Their Car After Opening The Sunroof (article)

VIDEO: Video Tutorial: How To Zoom In Really Close On Pictures Of Bruce Springsteen (script/directed)

ARTICLE: Taking A Stand: Jeff Bridges Has Announced That He Will Only Perform Nude Scenes From Now On (article)

VIDEO: The Wait Is Over: The Man With The Rope Is Back, And He's More Damp Than Ever (directed)

ARTICLE: Whoa: Apparently This Guy Is Going To Wear His Mask All Night (article)

QUIZ: Please Take Two Minutes And Complete This Beverage Pleasure Survey (headline)

BLOG: I'm Finally Ready To Apologize For Causing The Columbia Shuttle Disaster With My Bow And Arrow (headline)

ARTICLE: Awesome! This Sign Tells People Exactly Where The Tomatoes Are (article)

BLOG: Folks, I Am Back In The Doghouse (headline)

ARTICLE: Millenial Paradise: America's Young People Are Fleeing Big Cities For This Quiet 9-Hole Golf Course In Missouri (article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Hayao Miyazaki Films Have You Seen? (article)

VIDEO: How To Announce That Your Dad Is Feeling Nauseated On LinkedIn (script)

ARTICLE: Nice! This Badass Dad Built His Kids The Ultimate 'Frozen'-Themed Treehouse And Pretty Much Clinched Full Custody (headline)

QUIZ: Can You Match These Sherlock Holmes Mysteries To Their Solutions? (headline/article)

QUIZ: Can You Comfort This Dying Horse With Some Bible Stories? (article)

VIDEO: This Eye Opening Video Lets You Know How Much Each Member Of The Bush Family Currently Weighs (script/directed)

LIST: 7 Promising Young Novelists Who Would Benefit Immeasurably From A Residency At My Remote Château (headline)

BLOG: The Problem With 'The Flash': Why Doesn't Flash Run To Italy For Pasta Every Meal? (article)

ARTICLE: Heartwarming: Jeff Gordon Let A Longtime Fan Drive His Car Right Into A Wall (article)

ARTICLE: Coming Clean: Jason Statham Tearfully Admitted Yesterday That He Did His Own Stunts (article)

QUIZ: How Well Do You Know The Lyrics To 'Space Oddity'? (headline/article)

BLOG: All Movies Are Box Office Bonanzas (article)

BLOG: Can Someone Recommend A Good Wife Or Husband For Just Shooting Hoops With? (article)

BLOG: There Needs To Be A Restaurant For People Who Just Want To Pet The Spinning Meat (headline)

BLOG: I Spent 10 Days At A Silent Meditation Retreat But Somehow Only 6 Nights. Please Help Me (headline)

ARTICLE: Stepping Up: When Their School Dissolved Its ROTC Program, These Students Formed Their Own Paramilitary Group (headline)

BLOG: When I Stopped Hating My Body, I Could Finally See What Was Objectively Wrong With It (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Look At This Chilling Photo Of JFK Taken 10 Minutes Before His Death (article)

ARTICLE: Latest Attack: ISIS Just Put The Pentagon On eBay (article)

ARTICLE: Luckiest Man Ever? This Veterinarian Was Performing An Autopsy On A Pig And Found A Whole Peanut Inside Of Him! (article)

LIST: 6 Increasingly Blurry Pictures Of George Clooney To Help You Get Used To The Idea That He's Not Always Going To Be Around (article)

ARTICLE: Leading By Example: Meet The One-Percenter Who's Staying Grounded By Driving His Own Limousine (headline)

VIDEO: Heartbreaking: Twin Brothers Beg Themselves To Stop Wrestling (headline)

LIST: 7 Dream Goons Everyone Wishes Would Work Them Over (headline)

ARTICLE: Science FTW: Researchers Have Made A Major Cancer Breakthrough You'll Somehow Never Hear About Again (headline)

VIDEO: Incredible! This Guy's Whole Carpool Tore His Favorite Song Apart And He Said Nothing! (headline)

LIST: Louise In 'Louise Makes A Mess!' (article)

VIDEO: Beautiful! This Woman Eventually Gets Her USB Cord Plugged In (directed)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Things Are On Your Wedding Registry? (headline/article)

QUIZ: Can You Match These Long-Haired Men To Their Tall, Tired-Looking Girlfriends? (headline/article)

QUIZ: Are You High-Maintenance? (article)

BLOG: I Am Coming To Touch Your Computer, by Bill Gates (article)

LIST: Aww! These Photos Of Animals With Their Children Are Going To Melt Your Hand (article)

VIDEO: If You Thought Blimps Couldn't Go Backwards You're In For A Shock (headline)

LIST: 8 Boy Scouts Who Are Going To Get Eaten Alive When They Move Up To Eagle (headline)

ARTICLE: Could This Boy Be The Next Bill Gates? Not If He Keeps Hanging Out With That Devin Kid (article)

QUIZ: Do You Have Cool Parents? (article)

ARTICLE: Horrible: ISIS Fished Up All The Catfish Out Of The Old Creek (article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Classic Punk Bands Have You Heard? (article)

BLOG: How About We Bring The National Conversation On Mental Illness Stigma Back To My Place? (headline)

LIST: We Asked 8 Actors To Tell Us What Kind Of Batman They'd Be (article)

VIDEO: This Memorial To The Cast Of 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' Hopefully Won't Be Needed Anytime Soon (directed)

VIDEO: We Made These Bakers Watched Their Loaves Be Turned Into Bread Bowls (headline)

ARTICLE/VIDEO: Someone Overdubbed 'The Godfather' With The 'Donkey Kong' Soundtrack And Francis Ford Coppola Has Vowed Revenge (article/video direction)

BLOG: I Want To Apologize For Whatever Role 'Smells Like Nirvana' Had In Kurt Cobain's Suicide, by "Weird Al" Yankovic (article)

LIST: Flying Now Vs. Flying In The '60s (article)

QUIZ: What Is A Good Gift For My Very Serious Nephew? (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Litigation Ahead: The Man Who The Shrug Emoticon Is Based Off Of Is Suing (article)

BLOG: We Could Use Our Technology To Stop All Car Crashes If The Symphony Of Destruction Were Not So Beautiful, by Google CEO Larry Page (article)

VIDEO: Awesome! This Eighth-Grader Can Moonwalk As Well As Michael Jackson! (headline/concept)

LIST: 9 Photos Proving That, Sadly, Bacon Is Everything (article)

LIST: 7 Party-Saving Tricks To Keep The Fun Going After Your Deck's Collapsed (headline)

LIST: Let Us All Join Together And Masturbate To These 8 Pictures Of 'Harry Potter' Stars Who Are Hot Now (article)

LIST: Dating Bad Boys Vs. Dating The One Bad Man (article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Creatures From Greek Mythology Do You Believe In? (article)

QUIZ: How Many Of These Classic Sci-Fi Novels Have You Read? (article)

ARTICLE: Whoa: Ryan Talked To The Cops And They Left (headline)

ARTICLE: Hero: This Artist Is Taking The Condemned Homes Of Detroit And Turning Them Into Gorgeous Fuddruckers Franchises (article)

LIST: 7 Guys Who Have The Nickname 'Bone Salad' For Different Reasons (article)

ARTICLE: Subway Hero: When A Woman Fell In Front Of An Oncoming Train, This Man Comforted Everyone With A Spot-On Jimmy Stewart Impression (headline)

BLOG: I May Be Old Enough To Remember Segregation, But I’m Also Small Enough To Hide Beneath A Toadstool (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Incredible: Chipotle Is Paying For This Couple’s Wedding, And All They Expect In Return Is A Favor Someday (headline)

ARTICLE: Sooo Perfect: Jimmy Fallon Dressed Up As Neil Young Last Night And Made Love To Neil Young’s Wife (article)

BLOG: While I Agree That Hitler Was One Of History’s Greatest Monsters, I Still Feel Bad That He Never Got To Hear The Beatles (article)

ARTICLE: Look Out, Spotify! More And More Music Lovers Are Listening To Whispers From The Caves At The Edge Of Town (headline/article)

ARTICLE: The Workplace Of The Future Will Have Somewhat Sleeker Filing Cabinets (article)

BLOG: The Long Road To The Top: How Bursting Into Various Boardrooms And Shouting, ‘That’s Where I Come In!’ Eventually Got Me A Job As A CEO At A Fortune 500 Company (article)

ARTICLE: 6 Elderly Couples Share Their Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage (article)

ARTICLE: Latest Attack: ISIS Just Changed Its Name To 'Google' (article)

ARTICLE: The Definitive Guide To The Passover Seder Plate (article)

VIDEO: Watch This Scene Cut From ‘Boyhood’ Get Thrown In A River! (headline)

BLOG: I Discovered One Weird Trick For Healthy Hair And I’m Worried That’s All I’ll Ever Accomplish (headline/article)

ARTICLE: Incredible! We Asked These Astronauts What It’s Like To Be In Space (headline)

LIST: 8 Incredible Cities To Raise A Family In Assuming That My Brother Kyle Doesn’t Follow You There And Ruin Everything (article)

LIST: 6 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Dangling You Over A Cliff Demanding The Access Codes (article)

ARTICLE: The Kindest Man Alive: Jon Hamm Guarded This Nest Of Orphaned Snake Eggs For 3 Months! (article)

ARTICLE: Style Icon? Helen Mirren Looks Perfect Even When Wrestling This Vagrant (article)

BLOG: Whatever Goes On In A Couple's Bedroom Is Between Them And The God They Live To Spite (headline)

ARTICLE: Did 'Sesame Street' Go Too Far Yesterday When Big Bird Ate An American Flag? (article)

LIST: 6 Famous Paintings That Look Totally Different From Behind (headline)

LIST: 14 Romantic Date Ideas For Valentine's Day That Won't Break The Bank (article)

ARTICLE: 8 Things Never To Say To Creative People (article)

ARTICLE: A True Patriot: Meet The Man Who Keeps An Extra Pillow In His House Just In Case The President Needs To Spend The Night (article)

ARTICLE: Ready To Feel Old? Lunch Was Over An Hour Ago (article)

ARTICLE: 5 Reasons To Study The Humanities (headline/concept)

BLOG: There’s An Island Of Trash In The Pacific The Size Of Texas And I’m Going To Rule It (headline)

BLOG: FYI: You Can Buy As Much Human Hair As You Want And You Won’t Get Put On Any Watchlists (headline)

LIST: 6 Incredible Couples Costumes That Weren't Enough To Salvage Things (headline)

LIST: 10 Struggles Only People With Resting Shriek Face Understand (headline)

VIDEO: Cry. (headline/concept)

BLOG: Hey: Let's Domesticate Baboons (headline)

ARTICLE: It's The Sponge. You Love The Sponge (headline)

ARTICLE: The Cast Of The Cosby Show: Then, Now, And Forward Unto Eternity (headline/article)

BLOG: I Never Understood My Father Until I Traveled Through Time And Became Him (headline)

LIST: 5 Of Dad's Friends You Should Drop A Line To (headline)

QUIZ: What Hope Do We Few Have Against The Armies Of Byzantium? (headline)

BLOG: You Don't Need To Agree With My Choice To Breastfeed Your Baby, But You Need To Respect It (headline)

BLOG: Just Thinking Out Loud Here But What If Lana Del Rey Were Black (headline/article)

ARTICLE: This Tortoise Is 182 Years Old. So Why Hasn't It Stopped History's Greatest Atrocities?  (headline)

ARTICLE: Police Or Army: Who Wore It Better?  (headline)

LIST: 10 Prize-Winning Hogs Who Definitely Didn't Deserve To Win (headline)

LIST: 10 Drop Dead Gorgeous Pics Of Lupita N'yongo You Can Kiss If You Want To (headline)

ARTICLE: We’re Going To Look The Other Way On The ‘Fire Challenge’ So Teens Can Make Their Own Mistakes (headline)

ARTICLE: Best Last Lines Of Famous Novels (headline)

BLOG: So OKCupid’s Been Experimenting On Humans. But Who Hasn’t? (headline)

VIDEO: Hey, Can You Watch My Stuff? (headline)

QUIZ: Which One Of Those Shape Guys Are You, With The Hats? (headline)

QUIZ: How Long Will You Survive In The Chamber? (headline)